I Have Proof That T-Pain Never Needed Autotune A Day In His Life

Let me start out by saying that T-Pain is one of the GOATs of his generation. His stable of smash hits were constantly pumping through the speakers of my middle school and high school dances. In fact, I grinded with my first female to a T-Pain song. It was my last 6th grade dance of the year and I until that point had struck out entirely. We usually had a school dance every 2-3 months or so and until the final dance of the year I had failed to consensually, yet awkwardly rub the front of my jeans on the back pockets of a female. Until this magical day where my best friend’s older brother who was in 8th grade convinced an 8th grader to back that thang up on the kid. She was shaking her ass so fast as “I’m N Luv Wit A Stripper” was blaring through the middle school gym sound system and I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I had no idea what to do so my survival instincts kicked in and I just grabbed her waist and held on for dear life. I walked in that dance a boy and came out a man. It’s safe to say T-Pain has had a pretty significant impact on not only my life, but many pubescent suburban Caucasian boys/men around the world. 

All this hoopla about Usher sending T-Pain into a deep depression with a few negative comments breaks my heart. Watch his  tiny desk concert and tell me this man can’t sing naturally. He’s got a voice from the gods. Watching/listening to him sing “Buy U a Drank” could bring a grown man to tears. Remember that first time you saw a woman you admired from across the bar and attempted to pull a smooth move and buy her a drink so she would talk to you? Even if she took the $15 drink without even acknowledging you and ended up banging your best friend later that night, the point still stands that T-Pain was the man that gave you that confidence to shoot your shot in the first place. We’re talking about the man that rhymed mansion with Wisconsin for Christ’s sake. HOW SWAY?! HOW THE HELL DID HE DO IT?! He’s T-Pain that’s how. He’s one of the kings of R&B and he didn’t need any damn autotune, even though when you mixed his voice with autotune it sounded orgasmic. Hold your head T-Pain. You’re a god damn legend.